Hurricane Irene: “Blowing my way up the eastern seaboard; it’s like I go to Wellesley”

Posted on August 28, 2011

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Image credit: Raisa Kanareva and NASA Goddard Photos

Hurricane Irene has been busy blowing her way up the east coast (skank!) but somewhere in between the bluster and erosion she found time to create a profile on the popular and cost-free dating site OkCupid in an attempt to find love (or at the least, a Jersey Shore-esque hook-up).

Body type: Curvy

You have to give credit to a natural disaster that doesn’t cave under the media pressure to have the body type of a coffee stirrer—particularly being that the gal has been getting so much TV time as of late. Irene proudly declares on her OkCupid profile that she has a voluptuous figure and has a diet that consists of “mostly anything”.

She’s open to anything

Irene claims to be 18 years old (yeah right, everyone lies on the internet) but is apparently not an ageist or, rather, an anything-ist. According to her profile the type she is looking for is “everybody” with an age range of “18-99”. Careful though, fellas, she also has been known blow her way up the eastern seaboard and likes to “play rough”. Don’t message this gusty sparkplug unless you can handle a wild woman!

Liberal lady

Fans of Michele Bachmann need not contact Irene for a date unless they are prepared for a heated debate. Irene spends much of her time pondering the possibility of plucking a shark from the ocean to hurl at the conservative presidential hopeful. I, personally, am no fan of Bachmann being that I am a huge supporter of gay rights and sanity in general; however, my friend Cory Stine recently made a point that we perhaps should cut the Minnesota representative some slack being that “she did marry a gay man” after all. For more on THAT click here.

More please?

Visit the actual OkCupid profile here, and read my (sort of) professional coverage of the event at Examiner. In all seriousness, I send you all kind wishes of safety and that this bee-otch of a storm will be completely done with soon. Baltimore didn’t get hit very badly at all (at least not where I’m at) and I hope everyone else is doing well in the aftermath.

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Posted in: humor